Enough is enough!

Enough is enough!

Having put up 22 years with this bishop out of my 32 years ministry and life in this dear diocese of ours, I forced myself on some kind of self-exile for nearly two years besides few intermittent withdrawals.

My acquaintance with him began way back in 1971 when I came to the seminary after my SSLC [11th standard]. Again he was there at Aluva teaching us ‘Prophets’ and ‘Wisdom Literature’ when the much sought after Fr. Koonthanam unceremoniously left the seminary due to an unjustly handled publication matter in ‘Mathavum Chinthayum’. He also taught us Liturgy.

Even then he seemed anything other than human! Jesus was known to have liked company and friends, including children. He was vulnerable like any other human and always felt solidarity with the marginalized. One of the greatest compliments for Jesus in the gospels is that ‘… he taught them as one who had authority…’ which was unheard of from Pakiam as was any manly traits.

Before designated as the co-adjutor, he never ever was an active priest nor did he contribute anything originally nor creatively other than being a passive and simpleton rector whose students are the majority of priests in this diocese today. What a rich source it could have turned out to be, if he had little wit and wisdom.

From the very beginning he seemed to extract all ‘power’ leaving none with any power. That he carries on to this day, in spite of his growing old and weak, all the more so in the matter of finance which he keeps to himself and to his courtiers [finance council] in a non-transparent manner.

He conveniently and cunningly never takes any theological, canonical or liturgical positions, even the one upheld by the official church! Even after the very pope himself relinquished his papacy on health grounds, he shamelessly holds on the position/lie that Rome asked him to manage with the Episcopal Vicars instead of an auxiliary. And now no Episcopal Vicars are there for the diocese other than for the ‘Tamil region.’ Tamil region does not even have Tamil liturgy! His decentralization is only a lip service.

Holiness is wholeness and it can’t but be transparent. In no field he seems to be transparent, whether it be spiritual, temporal or otherwise. This makes things difficult to get along with. Some time back he even suggested that I could opt out without bothering himself to challenge my views, let alone question or negate my stand. The high drama in this contrary, if not contradictory view is that he could not even invoke the weapon of ‘obedience from his arsenal!’ 

Now, let me come to my story a bit. As Paul would boast in the Acts 22:3 ‘brought up … at the feet if Gamaliel…’ let me also boast of some of my teachers: Joseph Pathrapankal, Jose Vadakkethala, George Koonthanam, Pathiparambil, George Fernandez, Soosa Pakiam to name a few of my scripture teachers as I still am an ardent student of scripture availing all possible literature, whether periodicals, journals or books available here. In one of my withdrawals did M. Th in Biblical Theology from Dharmaram.

As I understand, the disciples were a movement, known as the ‘Path’ which in course of time became institutionalized as we call it today as church. In the evolved stage, the spirit of Jesus, who washed his disciples’ feet and called them friends, slowly and gradually disappeared. What we see today predominantly is the vestiges of royal priesthood, feudalistic insignia and titles and style of functions. This is agitating my understanding of Jesus and his gospel of the kingdom of God. However, I struggled with the structure and system vis-à-vis my convictions hoping one day things would change for the better.

This can better be described by the two latest findings in Kerala with regard to our people. 1) The open defecation at Karumkulam panchayat, the only place in Kerala, is an affront to the claim of ‘God’s own country’! 2) Thiruvananthapuram coast is on par with Malapuram in illiteracy even when this state claims universal literacy. What mighty little have we done to eliminate/ameliorate such shameful ‘honours’ for our people? When we spent crores on building churches, shrines, rectories, ‘community’ halls and the like besides pumping money for the feasts and so on, what about the schools in our parishes? The indifferent administration, to say the least, could not even save a college brought up by few of our priests at Thoothoor.

When we taught them to be a believing people, did we ever move our little finger even to make them a people with self-esteem also? Wanting them to be like foolish sheep, we kept them illiterate and insulated from any external influence which could possibly enlighten them. The religiosity we advocated was never a liberating one instead was enslaving.

Whenever representing them with the ruling dispensation, we were keener to safeguard the institutional interest than of the real issues of the people, like their livelihood etc. Unfortunately that institution itself was enslaving and exploiting.

When we could raise revenues in lakhs, if not crores for all and sundry causes purely from their hard labour and sweat, we never bothered to present the accounts nor establish any auditing machinery. It is vogue for the incumbent to desist accounting. Holding control over fiscal matters without disclosures would eventually hold the people under their control, they might have presumed foolishly! People were not really consulted on any worthwhile matters or decision having far reaching impacting in their lives.

After prolonged illness and amputation of his legs, Bishop Jacob could no longer manage the diocese and sought for a co-adjutor instead of an auxiliary. We were all excited to have Fr. Soosa Pakiam as the co-adjutor, with his low profile in the diocese. The otherwise simpleton fr. Pakiam became the sole authority of the diocese overnight. It is said that in order to know the real person, one needs to be given authority/power. The real Pakiam we were all experiencing in one way or other all these days and that too to the detriment of the diocese in its onward march to keep pace with those communities which had already marched well ahead.

In this crucible/test, he failed from the very beginning alienating the seniors with contempt. Having no experience or expertise in administration, he could not be comfortable with the ones known for that but instead he trusted the so called ideologues who then had a considerable backing due to various reasons. Now, having conveniently watered down their ideologies, they are adjusting and accommodating with power sharing in a number of guises.  The prophetic voice is stifled by the offer of position and possession due to the non-transparent and unaccountable handling of finances.

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For almost one and a half years I was keeping aloof from any diocesan activities, including the Chrism Mass and the Ordinations even. Adding insult to injury I have assumed charge of the parish on the strength of the appointment letter alone without the usual canonical installation. I was not signing the monthly abstract or the parish accounts in the previous parish. The leadership was stoic in its insensitivity to all of these and could do nothing to challenge or stop me!

The much hyped Platinum Jubilee and the Synod of tall claims passed away without ever making any attempt to get back the ‘lost’ sheep! What else can one infer from this callous insensitivity other than the unchristian message that, if you don’t want to toe the line, get lost? All were like an aborted firework in a festivity, like a mountain giving birth to a rat!

I do not know whether this honourable presbyterium ever wanted to know why at all some of you keep away or kept away or whether you approve of the indifferentism of the authority! Presuming that none of you would ever accuse me of irresponsibility, I feel obliged to tell you why I have kept aloof all these days.

Christian authority is to serve; holiness is to be transparent, stewardship is to be accountable and responsible. This is what I was taught and understand of the gospels.  Whenever authority was used to dominate, holiness to hide, stewardship to be irresponsible and arbitrary I criticized it, denounced it, desisted and resisted it.

I don’t have any tall claim or presumptions than telling you that I tried to live my life and ministry the way I understood the scriptures and certainly according to my convictions, openly as far as one could normally. Never ever did I aspire for any so called ‘higher’ offices or ‘big’ parishes, nor did I canvas even indirectly or unknowingly. More than I loved the people, they rather suffocated me with their love and appreciation, wherever I was, though I had the sole credit of misfortunes from the very second year onwards to witness deaths, rather killings of precious human lives either by their own or by the police. Had the rare and painful experience of fleeing with the people and going underground for fear of arrest or attack by religious fanatics.

I must acknowledge that this bishop placed his trust in me number of times – twice as the Senate secretary and twice as the Director of the BoE and in the second tenure as the Corporate Manager also. I think I haven’t betrayed his trust, though I could not agree with his stands which often times seemed to autocratic and arbitrary. Let me boast a while telling you that it was in my tenure the decision to establish an Engineering College was taken in the Board and that you see realized as Marian Engineering College.

Though there are enough chances to disagree with him even in matters of faith and morals, by extension to the realm of liturgy and so on, I have confined my disagreement with the fiscal management which was quite arbitrary and non- transparent besides being not at all accountable, implying social auditing in particular. The authority warms itself saying that there is the ‘Finance Council’! It is a pick and chose mechanism whereby those picked and chosen were understandably more loyal to the bishop than the diocese or the people, the ‘anawim’/poor of Yahweh. There was no real criterion for this exercise too.

Though don’t have any intention of raking up the old skeletons in the cub board, I challenge the way people were raised to high offices before clearing their alleged involvement in serious allegations both fiscal and otherwise, including the ones the very bishop acknowledged before an august assembly. What else could be the expectation of the appointing authority than such people’s servile and docile approach? The appointees did more than what was expected of, as their allegiance was more towards the authority than the people/poor of Yahweh.

Church may not be a democracy, but to ‘play God’ before ignorant people is too much in our days. This is what precisely the authority plays when they behave arbitrarily and unaccountably. I really don’t think that the church has or should have anything to hide, especially on money matters. This is what specifically the authority does.

Collective wisdom is the rule in the church, as I understand. The famous infallibility is exercised by collective process than by individual one. Even the sharpest of minds or the ablest of administrators don’t dare any serious decision solely or even behind closed doors. This is what precisely takes place in our situation. The so-called college of consultors is understandably manipulated and used only as a preview theatre to inform a decision prior to public announcement! Any number of cases could be cited like the bishop’s house maintenance, the lip-service decentralization and the eventual relinquishing of the Episcopal vicariates and so on.

The authority being not free, can’t really free the people, fettered for so long in the chains of ignorance and self-pity, with any worthwhile attempts. Such authority can’t be creative and bold for that matter. It remains timid and insensitive to the dissent or criticism. Truth is the casualty here as it is through dialectics truth comes out for which thesis and anti-thesis is a must.

Its advisors are there only to please and not to bring out the truth and do justice to the rest of the people. They can’t call a spade a spade in order to retain the bones thrown out.